Dream Lost
by mystic4
Summary: Usagi was 17 when she wrote this journal that will reveal her feelings of her lost...pls R & R


1 Dream Lost  
  
Author: mystic (mystiques_angel@yahoo.com.au)  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon  
  
Author's note: Hope you like the story, please review and give me comments.  
  
  
  
The day Mamo-chan and I were introduced was the most exciting day of my life. We first met each other in a dance party. We talked and talked and then he asked me for my phone number. After receiving my number he then called me the same night about 1 am and said, "Hi, this is Mamoru. I have been thinking about what you said and I will listen to you, only one condition". He paused an continued by saying, "Will you go out with me?" I was shocked but excited, in fact very excited, as he was my first love.  
  
We then started going out together- to the movies and dance parties. We were together for a year and a bit. He was my best friend, my soul mate. He called me every night and every day.  
  
We enjoyed each other's company and I still cherish all the memories we had together, wither in the happy or sad times.  
  
But on April 28, I watched as my soul mate, my best friend was, fatally shot and collapsed right in front of my eyes. I still have nightmares about. It's something I will never forget. Sometimes I do have good dreams. Sometimes I dream that Mamo-chan got to live that night but when I get back to reality is really depresses me. I shed tears and wonder if I will see him in the next world.  
  
That night, we decided to go and eat where we can also watch the city lights. Afterwards, we went for a night stroll, it was the moment I will never forget. I'm filled with joy and happy, and oh how I wish the time would stop. But then my dream crashed when two men approached us. We knew there was something fishy about them. One of the two said: "Mate, do you have a lighter?" We said no and tried to walk away, but he then quickly did something at the top of the bag which I believe was taking the gun out and said: "Give me your wallet". Mamo-chan said, "I don't have a wallet", and moved to block me from the men. However, the man punched Mamo-chan in the face and said, "Give me your damn wallet or I'll shoot you".  
  
At first I thought the gun was fake, but after he swore and his face got serious I knew this was serious.  
  
When I saw the anger in the face of the man I was afraid of something bad happening. I went in between both males and urged them to stop it, as I didn't want anyone to get hurt. I just us to go home. The guy hit me on the right forearm and while I was going backwards I heard two shots. I screamed as I saw Mamo-chan who had no strength in him, collapsed to the ground.  
  
I quickly got in the car and called the police and ambulance. The man cam over to the car and tried to open the door. That was probably the scariest moment. After a while he and his friend ran way. I quickly got out of the car and I ran over to Mamo-chan and kept asking him if he could hear me. I just want him to give me some sign-blink or do something. He just went "Oooohhh" and turned his head a little bit to the side.  
  
I knew he was in a lot of pain and it hurt me so much to see him like that. I was screaming, crying, holding his hands and crying out help while I was still on the phone to the police.  
  
Then the police got there and they put a white sheet over Mamo-chan. I kept asking, why aren't they doing anything, he's in pain, and he's dying. A couple of policemen came towards me and I just saw the bad news on their faces. They said, "Excuse me Ma'am, but your boyfriend is not breathing". I just looked at them, looked at Mamo-chan, looked towards the sky and said, "No, God would never do this do me. God listens to my prayers, God has always helped me through my life. Mamo-chan is probably asleep, go check". They stared at me and said, "No, he is not breathing". I refused to believe them and said "No". But then I thought to myself how could he be asleep, he is probably unconscious.  
  
And then they shook me and declared: "Excuse me, Ma'am, he is dead". I just stood there quiet, tears started to running down my cheeks, and I felt like screaming so loud. I was hoping and wishing that the night was like a bad dream, and when I wake up, Mamo-chan is still alive, breathing.  
  
The policemen took me to the police station; after I finished they took me home. I was yelling, screaming and hitting my head on the wall, asking God why this had happened to me. I just did not want to accept that he was gone…. forever. I wanted him to be here besides me and his friends.  
  
The next day I sat in my room crying and holing his photo close to me. I have no feeling to go anywhere, even though my friends tried to cheer up but nothing works. I'm just too sad to do anything, and the only thing I desire is for Mamo-chan to be here with me, and wishing what happened was just a bad dream.  
  
However, it's the guilt that I think about it sometimes. I wish Mamo- chan were alive. He was braver and more hopeful than me and he would not have thought about suicide like me. I have thought, why didn't I see the shot, why didn't I take the shot?  
  
The unbelievable thing now is that, I have no hate for the murderer. I don't want to physically hurt him. I just want to look into his eyes and ask him, are you really a human or are you a devil? How can you do this to another human?  
  
Mamo-chan always used to tell me that life is a test and once you passed the test here on Earth, God will take you to a better place. He told me to do our best in this test here on Earth.  
  
After the incident, I could not go back to school and study. I left and did a business course and now have a job. But if this didn't happen I would have gone on to Year 12 and maybe university.  
  
I can pretend to be happy, but in my heart I am not. I can be sitting at work, on the train or in my bedroom and my eyes would be flooded with tears. It has been few years since he left, but I still miss him so much. Without the help and support from my family or friends, I don't know what will become of me; I don't know if I will still be alive. I have not got over it and I don't think I ever will.  
  
I love you, I need you, I miss you…my Mamo-chan.  
  
  
  
~ The End ~  
  
Pls review!!! 


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